My new baby is about 3 weeks today. She’s our first child. I’m talking on the podcast today about my experience so far as it’s my first day back. Here are the notes for the podcast.
The volume of love is loud
I spoke to ~20 male buds who had kids. I think it’s common for most men to not feel attached to a newborn. Most of my buds said they loved their kid right away, but it took 3-18 months to be in love with them. I guess that has to do with getting smiles and feedback from the child.
But that wasn’t the case for me. I was attached right away. In fact, within a day I felt that my love for my daughter was so loud, that the volume of other life problems was much quieter.
I felt this way when I used to box. Getting punched in the face in the AM is a great way to make work stress feel dimmer.
Fun fact: there’s this thing called the paternal resemblance hypothesis. Not much research has verified it. But the idea is that the new kid will look like the father so the father will stick around.
Also, when it comes to children and animals…I’m softer than cream cheese. I love ’em all.
Night nurse is a cheat code
We have a night nurse. Basically a woman who comes from 10:00 pm to 7:00 am. We put the baby to sleep and when she wakes up for her feeding (every ~3 hours), the nurse brings the baby to my wife then comes to get her when she’s done and repeats.
I think it’s like $30 an hour. So not everyone can afford this. But if you can, it’s a cheat code.
I sleep in a separate room and get a full night’s sleep. Then in the AM I handle the baby while my wife relaxes or does whatever she needs to do.
Not everyone likes a night nurse. Feels like they’re missing bonding. I get that perspective, too.
I feel like a f*cking man
Someone once told me that being masculine means producing excess resources so others can have what they need. I like that. I’ve always felt most manly when taking care of others. Paying for dinner, protecting my wife, creating jobs, taking family on trips, working hard to provide.
My masculinity feels complete now. I can improve and new challenges will occur, but it feels like after she was born all the pieces of the puzzle are there.
Seeing her, holding her and making sure she’s warm, knowing she’s in a safe environment, seeing my wife have what she needs to care for our daughter. I feel like I’m doing my duty as a man. And that gives me joy and meaning.
I wonder how this feeling would change with a son. But I feel like I’ve now fully gone into the role of protector and provider. And I like that feeling.
Vocation, not just a job
I put a lot of personality into my work. But I’ve never felt it was a vocation. Creating content, building businesses, whatever…it’s fun. And when it sucks, it’s just a job.
Caring and providing for my daughter is the first time I’ve felt a sense of vocation. I imagine this will make me work harder at my job because I now have a tangible outcome: provide for my family.
When I was like 21 years old I made a goal to make $10m by 30 so I could set my family up. Among other things, the resources families need are: financial, emotional, physical. I wanted to remove the financial one from the equation. I didn’t even have a family or girlfriend when I made that goal. But I’m happy I did and that I achieved it. But with having a family I still feel the need to provide more money even if we don’t need it.
Hard work hours have more meaning
I rarely work more than 50 hours a week. Sometimes, but those are sprints. But even with a 40 hour work week I feel like I jerk around a bit too much. Too much unfocused time. I predict that having kids will force me to be more productive in a shorter amount of time.
Not just because I want to spend time with her. Which is true.
But because as she grows I want her to see me work. I don’t have a normal job. I don’t have to work 40 hours a week. But I think I will want to as she grows. To show her what stability, consistentcy, effort, and responsibility look like
Ok, that’s it.
Keep in mind: I’m still in the honeymoon phase. It’s only been 3 weeks. Maybe all this gets changed. But…this is a blog where I write about what I’m feeling today.