Wanna be a badass people person?
This is part 1 of a 4 part series inspired by the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. The second part of this series will be released next week. To get it, enter your email on the right.
How this will help you:
- Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.
- Increase your popularity.
- Help you to win people to your way of thinking.
- Make you a better salesman, a better executive.
- Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
- Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in your daily contacts.
1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
- No one, even hardened criminals, blames himself.
- “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” -William James
- From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others.
- Give second chances.
“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
In 1842 Lincoln publicly criticized James Shields, an opposing politician, by publishing a harsh letter making fun Shields’ Irish ancestry in the city’s newspaper. The letter made Shields the laughing stock of the town.
When he saw the letter, Shields was so upset, that he challenged Lincoln to a duel. In the weeks leading up to the duel, Lincoln was so scared that he could barely sleep. On the day of the duel, Lincoln tried to negotiate a settlement of the two gentlemen’s differences; but James Shields’s quick temper caused him to refuse. As the duel began, friends of the two finally stepped in the middle and forced Shields and Lincoln work it out with words.
You see, Lincoln wasn’t a fighter, but his words got him into major trouble. From that point on, Lincoln never criticized another man again. In fact, Lincoln was so embarrassed by his behavior when asked about this event by a friend he said: “I do not deny it, but if you desire my friendship you will never mention it again.”
Fun fact: The two men buried the hatchet (or broadsword) and remained friends from then on. Lincoln wasn’t exactly proud that he’d almost dueled against a political opponent. Learn more here.
2. Give sincere and honest appreciation.
- Everyone wants to feel important.
- We spend 95 percent of time thinking about ourselves.
- When you make someone feel important, they will give you something you want in return for your appreciation.
- The feeling of importance is the most unfulfilled of all the human needs.
- You have to really mean what you’re saying.
- BF Skinner proved animals learn faster when rewarded.
The $400 Coke: When I was buying a motorcycle off a guy on Craigslist, I gave him a $1.99 can of Coke-Cola. What did he give me in return? A $400 discount off the motorcycle.
3. Appeal to other people’s wants
- You’re interested in what you want. But no one else is.
- Your goal should be to get others interested, then you win.
- You want the fish to bite the hook? Use worms.
- Make negotiations a win-win.
- Want a job? Don’t tell the interviewer how you need money, but that you love the product and want to help grow the company.
This is backbone to sales. It’s always about them and never about you.
This is the most common mistake I see: cold emails with the sender (who’s selling something) starting the email by explaining who they are, how long they’ve been in business, and where they’re located.
Compare these two sales letters for a website that sells poison ivy treatment:
“Hi, we are Samford labs. We’ve created poison ivy medicine since 1998 and deeply care about our patients. We are located in Saint Louis, Missouri. If you are interested in buying our products, then click here to buy.”
“Do you have poison ivy? Do you want your itch and rash to disappear fast? Our product is proven to help you feel relief from your itchy poison ivy rash. Click here to buy.”
Now which one do you think will work better? Obviously, the 2nd one. Why? Because it’s all about the customer, not the company.